Hot Dogs vs. Hamburgers: Which is More American?
Here I go again.
Well, I'm doing it once again. Stepping into unknown lands, throwing what common sense that I have to the wind, and well, blah, blah, blah! All of the catchy introduction-related phrases, adjectives, and words that will guarantee me your attention.
Today's hub is actually an open challenge that pits two of America's favorite foods against each other. We know them all too well. And they do not need me to introduce them. I now give you, our friends, the hot dog and hamburger.
Since the airing of a television commercial shown in the mid-1975, I have been secretly bothered by the ad agency that designed this ad actually snubbing the lovers of hamburgers. And we call ourselves tolerant, civilized, and embrace others with open arms?
Why the hot dog?
I would love to meet the folks who "pulled the trigger" and deciding to make the hot dog, although delicious, a key segment of this popular commercial? What data, research did they use to determine that the hot dog actually belongs with apple pie and the name of a popular automobile?
Why not inserting the hamburger in this trio of terrific items of Americana? You can sing the jingle with the word, hamburger, and it will not change the tempo or measure of the song. Did you know that? I did. I tried it.
So which is the best?
If baseball, which has always been tagged as "America's Pastime," and always been associated with hot dogs, why has the hamburger been given the cold shoulder? This is really a sore spot with me. I do not think I can stand to see another American flag as long as this deliberate oversight is hanging over us.
Just tell me this and read this piece which I call:
The Hot Dog Versus The Hamburger, Which Food "is" "America's Food?"
Hot dog, Hamburger images
Vintage hot dog ads, hot girl in hamburger ad
(When you finish reading these facts and points, you can make your choice).
- Hot dogs are, I admit, sold by vendors at baseball games and other sporting events, but why cannot these hard-working vendors "vend" hamburgers just as well? Their customers would be getting more for their money with a burger than a hot dog.
- Burgers do not take up as much space in the vendors' steam boxes that are carried around their necks. Hot dogs are longer while burgers are more compact, thus a vendor could actually sell more burgers than hot dogs.
- Whoever heard of "Grabbing a hot dog and a beer?" I know that if you are from New York, Philly, or Boston you have heard, "Let's grab a burger and a beer," so with that, do you not conclude that the latter is easier to say and more pleasing to the appetite and imagination?
- Most grill masters will say to friends, "Hey, throw some burgers on the grill," not "Hey, throw some 'dogs' on the grill." Maybe they have and we haven't heard it. I just want to keep that option open and be fair to all who love hot dogs and burgers alike.
- You might be able to squeeze a few bottles and swish a little more condiments on a hot dog, but with a burger you can "build" it higher with adding pieces of cheese, bacon, and whatever you like to eat.
- If a young man lands a date with a hot girl, the first thing on his mind is NOT sex, but how to impress her. Of the two, and if you are a male, try to think like a hot girl here, which would impress you more, a hot dog or a tall, juicy burger?
- Speaking of hot girls, have you eat saw Parris Hilton advertise a hot dog with chili, onions and mustard? No. But you "have" watched her advertise a certain company's burgers.
- A recent gang of ya-hoo's filmed and released a so-called "secret" documentary about what is really in your hot dogs, but funny thing is, no one has dared touch the integrity of a hamburger. Wonder why that is?
- To really be honest, juvenile males have made (and probably always will make) sexual remarks concerning the hot dog and its synonym: wiener. Yeah, we did when we were first exposed to the "facts of life." During lunch in middle school, we guys would sit at our tables in the school cafeteria and keep our hot hog/sexual jokes to ourselves and laugh our heads off. But I give you my solemn word that we never used the humble, loyal hamburger in our jocularity.
- Examples (and I am choosing my words cautiously): "You've got a big weiner." (Laughs here) "That's what she said." (honoring Steve Carell, The Office. My favorite character).
- Even as middle school males, do you think we would lower the standard of our jokes by saying this: "You've got a big hamburger." (Confused look here) "That's what she said."
- Notice the awkward feeling that accompanies the second juvenile attempt at bringing attention to one of our body parts? I give the hot dog a point for that one.
- In today's economy, which food sells more, a hot dog or hamburger? Well, let me answer for myself without influencing your vote. While a hot dog might cost less, I can get more food with a burger.
- When we were being raised by caring parents, what food did we eat when we went off of milk? I have to be honest. I remember chewing on a hot dog. It was easy to hold with my little clumsy hands. If my mom had handed me a burger, I would not have taken it. Point, hot dog.
- Which food do our brave, dedicated, and much-appreciated Armed Forces prefer? The burger, of course. A member of the military wants to eat more when its "chow time," so if the Mess Cook is a wise person, they will provide hamburgers to their service personnel. Now, you steak lovers, do not get your feelings in the way here. I know that steaks are served in some military posts.
- In this survival situation, which would you prefer to use to make your get-away? A crazed lunatic with gun in hand tries to hold you up as you walk down the sidewalk. You have just purchased a hot dog with mustard and catsup. You are quick to think and quickly toss the hot dog, bun and all, into his face which distracts the robber so you can run away. Or do you? A hot dog is smaller than a burger, so the robber might flinch, but not be surprised enough to allow you to get away while a big burger might look like a monster heading toward his head and he will duck, thus giving you five more precious seconds which will save your life.
Now it's time to vote. Which is "America's Food," the hot dog or hamburger?
You vote while I try to get a life.